This fabulous debut novel from Alisa Dean is, to some extent, taken from real life by someone who also escaped the fundamentalist church. She has drawn her main characters with care and intention and has surrounded them with secondary characters whose individuality really shines. Yes, there is religious trauma that some might need to avoid, but the story is so full of hope, dedication, and love.
FMC Christina “escaped” her oppressive upbringing with the help of therapy and, as a final act of liberation (or defiance, depending on who you’re asking), writes her Jezebel List. “It’s a list of things I was told my whole life that I should not do. Could not do. But I can do them. So, I’m doing them.” Shortly after a serendipitous meeting with MMC Danny, he offers to help her complete the list and thus begins a beautiful romance in which they recognize that they can be their true selves. The maturity and emotional intelligence of these two is astounding. The love between them is selfless, reverent, shamelessly passionate (verrrry steamy), and supportive.
Although Christina has had therapy, it isn’t until much later that she realizes she hasn’t processed the grief. She ultimately sees that the only way through is by embracing the traumatized girl she was with the hard-fought jezebel she has become.
“I may have spent a year in trauma therapy exorcising my self-hate, but I now have to grieve everything I lost. Everything I never had. I have to grieve for the younger version of myself and all the trauma she endured.”
There is definitely a villain in Christina’s hypocritical pastor father, the perfectly awful blend of “self-loathing and self-righteousness.” However, after getting closure, Christina realizes that in the process of completing the list, she has found a new family and a home in a loving partner. Highly recommended.
I received a complimentary ARC of this book from Alcove Press through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Opinions expressed are completely my own.
